A Cuckoo Love Affair
by MMBC
Summary: Snapshots in the loving life of Natsu and Gray as a (mostly) dysfunctional couple. Warning: dark themes, angst, depressing stuff, character death, etc. etc. You've been warned.


**A Cuckoo Love Affair**

The early light filtered through his partially drawn blind, blinking upon the dark of Gray's hair. It turned the ebony almost blue, a deep, royal shade that was a perfect contrast with the deathly paleness of his skin. Natsu stroke said skin with a smile, still hazy from his sleep. Such cold skin. He wondered if there had been any time when Gray had been warm, even before he had started learning ice magic. Maybe he used to be, a lifetime ago none of them could remember now, or maybe not. Regardless, the Gray Natsu had always known wasn't warm, never warm, he whose smell reminded Natsu of a crisp winter and a crackling hearth in the midst of a snow drift and an icy treat in the sweltering height of summer. If there had ever been a moment's contact between blows exchanged in the past, well, that may only have been the heat of the battle warming the skin. Natsu didn't remember ever coming so close as to linger his hand on Gray's skin for any stretch of time before. The cold was so natural now; it had become a part of Natsu's life, a part of his home, a part of his very bed. Natsu smiled again, and leaned over to kiss those cold, cold lips.

'Mornin', ice princess.'

'Che. The hell do you think you're doing molesting a guy unawares and calling him names?' Gray's voice echoed gruffly in the silent room, and the spot of sunlight blinked again.

Natsu merely grinned like the idiot he was, before rolling over to his side and stood up in one smooth movement. He went to the window to yank the blinds up, letting golden sunlight stream into the dusty space. As the brightness swept over his bed, Natsu could have sworn Gray was glowing, his bare skin stark white and a nimbus about his dark head.

'Close your mouth; you look like a gaping fish.'

'Shut it, frost breath. Shouldn't you be grateful I so gallantly woke you up with a kiss, princess?'

Then there was a pause, as though Gray was contemplating his next comeback to Natsu's gripe. Like hell Natsu was going to let the droopy-eyed bastard have the time for it.

'Come on, idiot! Let's go out for breakfast; I'm starving!' He yelled and turned to run out, eager to start a new day; and why not – it was a beautiful day after all. Gray hated the heat, but he loved the sun nonetheless; it was going to be an amazing day.

'Hey…'

'Race you to the guild; loser buys breakfast!'

And with that Natsu took off, the sound of Gray's exasperated 'God damn it you're cheating!' chasing him all the way. He laughed in exuberance, listening to the breathless grumbling just behind him. There was no way he would let the bastard win this time, he thought, and was oddly pleased as Gray echoed his thought in that grumble of his.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Natsu chomped on the meat happily, enjoying the way suppleness gave way under his canines. Nothing like a good meal after a mission accomplished, he noted, and flashed a grin at Lucy and Erza, who were sitting across the fire.

'That wasn't too hard now, was it?' He asked a sulking Lucy, who merely turned her upper lip into an appropriate expression of contempt.

'No, except for the fact that you had to go and burn down half the town. The quest was supposed to be enough for a month's rent, and now I only have enough to pay for food for the next week.' She abruptly turned to Erza to whine again, 'I thought you were going to stop him.'

The beautiful woman merely raised an eyebrow, before turning to her meal again. 'I did. Natsu would have burnt down the whole town otherwise.' Then, turning to Natsu with a decidedly evil gleam in her eyes, she added, 'And I made sure an incident like what happened today won't happen again, at least not in the near future. Aren't I right, Natsu?'

In that moment, he could almost feel the temperature dropping around them as the woman's gaze bore a hole into his skull and sizzled his brain in ash. Natsu nodded like he had never nodded before, and the mortification whittled away as fast as it came when Erza smiled, satisfied, and dropped the topic.

'Heh.' But Gray did not. Beside him, the ice mage's condescension rolled off in waves that made him want to whip around just to snarl at that damned smug face he _knew_ Gray would be wearing. 'Look who got into trouble with Erza.'

'Shut the fuck up, ice for brains! Like you were any better!' And as Natsu chucked a bone in Gray's general direction, the look in his companions' eyes caught him in icy dread.

For a while, there was a pregnant silence during which Natsu kept his quiet and stubbornly chewed on his meat, now tasteless. It was only for an instance, it but was enough for him to catch that unreadable look in Lucy's eyes. It was the same unreadable look she had worn ever since… His memory refused to come forth when he tried to call upon it. Perhaps it didn't matter, because she never really came out and told him what the problem was. Natsu was certain if something was bothering Lucy, she would come to him first. After all, he was her best friend, right? Natsu chanced a peek up at her face again, and for the first time noticed how the lines at the corners of her mouth marred the smooth skin she was so proud of. And maybe, just maybe, there was something inexplicably sad about the way she carried herself, the way her once lively eyes were downcast, and the way her shoulders slumped as though under an incredible weight. Lucy looked like she was about to cry.

'You made her cry, stupid!' Gray whispered in a terrified voice, and Natsu glanced at Erza just to make sure she wasn't going to mangle him for hurting Lucy – not that he knew how or why he had done that, of course.

Strangely enough, Erza, too, was wearing that same peculiar expression, except for the fact that she was staring straight at him, something akin to sympathy in her dark eyes. Natsu was caught breathless at the way the flame casted shadows on her serious face, the crease between her brows accentuated in the flickering shades. As her brows drew together more and more, Natsu could almost imagine he saw moistness in those unshakable eyes. It shook him to the core, and suddenly his hands trembled from a fear far deeper than he had ever felt when Erza was angry at him. Strange, a part of his mind absently spoke up, that he should be afraid now that there was nothing to be afraid of.

'Natsu, Gray…'

'Don't. It's fine; I'm fine; Gray's fine – it's my fault; I'm sorry for making Lucy cry like that. Just, don't. Please. I'm going for a walk.' He said, all thoughts forgotten as his body stood up and drifted in the direction of the forest as though in a dream. Next to him, rustlings could be heard as Gray stood to follow.

'I'll make sure he's OK!' He heard Gray shouted to the girls and ignored it in favour of running away. Lucy was upset, and Erza was angry. It was best Natsu not lingered around.

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The forest moon was particularly bright that night, a gentle white that swept over the ebb and flow of the ocean of leaves, gilding the gentle waves silver. Natsu stood beside a creek, half-listening to the symphony mother nature was trying to play him, half-lost in thoughts as he watched how the silver moon turned his tan a pale shade of despair. Or perhaps not despair; to be desperate a person must have lost hope, and he knew he never had any hope in the first place to lose, nor did he have any occasion to lose it.

Or Natsu was just fooling himself, another part of his mind whispered, although that made absolutely no sense. A simple person such as him, he whose life revolved about quests, food, and fun, couldn't fool a pea-brained bird, much less a human being. He wanted to contemplate the thought, but it was too late anyway; once the door had been open, his mind could but take the backseat as the prisoner it was, helpless to quench the flow into his consciousness. Natsu couldn't help but notice how the moon used to be so full back then, too, albeit it had been tinged a purple so sweet it sent bile to his throat. And if he would only close his eyes, he could almost pretend the rustling of the forest about him was the rustling of a forest in a place far away, and the sluggish flow of the creek the tinkling of ice melting. The image sent a shudder up his spine, and his eyes snapped open to stare in horror at nothing. How he wished he had been back to that place, on that day, at that time.

'You're thinking about the day you attempted that S-class mission.'

It was more of a statement than a question, as though Gray knew exactly what it was that was haunting Natsu. The sly bastard. Without turning around, he could feel the wintery caress of cold arms about his torso, a bitter reminder that Gray really did know his mind as well as Natsu knew his own. Years spent as rivals. Years spent as best friends. A forever of longing that he himself never noticed until it was slapped in the middle of his forehead, telling him what a stupid little fool he was. Natsu only wished he could have said the same for Gray. So instead of answering, he merely pointed a lacklustre finger at the tiny creek:

'Freeze it.'

'Why?' That smell was back again, familiar like the cold that invaded his life like a maelstrom years ago, on that sunny day he had first joined the guild. Gray was breathing on his neck, and his breath reminded Natsu of the chill of his home – hell, his home was chilly _because_ it was Gray, no doubt – but that, too, was superfluous now when it was all Natsu could do to keep from _remembering_.

'Just because. Freeze it, Gray. For me.'

'No.' But Gray kept his icy touch around Natsu's body, and so he would keep still, savouring the silent comfort.

'Why not? You could freeze an ocean.'

'Yes, I could freeze an ocean.' Gray paused, and there was something almost regretful in his voice as he continued in a tone so low Natsu had to strain to hear, 'For you, Natsu. I refuse for your sake.'

'Okay.'

If neither of them had expected the uncharacteristically meek acceptance, they did not voice their surprise. Instead, as they stood swaying to the soundless melody of their private dance, all that was left unsaid rang clear and loud like the bells tolling thrice for the departure of a beloved.

_I trust you._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was two days after he had finished that quest with team Natsu, and he had been enjoying his fire/lunch in the guild when it happened. Lucy came to talk to him, a bright smile on her lips, asking how his day had been in general, and Natsu had only opened his mouth to answer when a heavy, and need he say, armored, hand, fell on the back of his neck. It tingled for the briefest of moments before all turned black, yet not nearly soon enough for him to miss the apologetic look Lucy threw his way. Natsu passed out, attacked by his very _nakama_.

When he came to again, eyes blurring and head pounding, he was in the guild's infirmary and restrained to a bed. His wrists, ankles, and torso were pressed to the bed with leather belts and heavy buckles. Mere toys, he thought, swimming in the haze of his mind; he could burn them down along with the room, see how the guild liked it. Natsu lazily turned his head to look for the dum-dum that came up with the ingenuity of doing this to him, Salamander Natsu.

'You are awake.' The old bat, Polyushka, swam into his vision from seemingly nowhere. She looked the same as always, hard lines and uncompromising kindness, only now she appeared much older, weary and concerned all at once.

'Yeah.'

Mutterings were heard, and Natsu glanced in the direction of the voices. The shock on Lucy and Erza's faces would have made him laugh, but Natsu was just so tired. If he looked as tired as he felt, maybe they were right in knocking him unconscious and bringing him here to rest. Or wait, he hadn't been feeling tired before they knocked him unconscious, was he? Natsu blinked sluggishly at the thought.

'Your friends are concerned. I heard some disconcerting observations of your behaviour recently.'

'Oh?' Natsu raised a disinterested brow at that. Women and their fussy, mother hen way. Leave it to Erza and Lucy to deduce that there was something wrong with him when he felt absolutely nothing of the sort.

'I myself have seen some disconcerting behaviour as of right now. You're not as full of energy as I remember.'

'Would it satisfy you if I go on a rampage now and burn this building to a crisp, then?'

Natsu had meant for it to be playful, but perhaps it was something in his expression, or how his voice unintentionally took on that rumbling edge, because out of the corner of his eyes he could already see Lucy jumping and Erza tensing in preparation to strike. He sighed and closed his eyes. Too much. It was too much of everything, because Natsu never meant to worry or hurt anyone. Too much kindness, too much unwanted attention, too much familial love. It was starting to make Natsu sick.

'Even your threatening to do it instead of jumping straight to it is out of character.' If possible, the lines on Polyushka's face hardened even more, until she resembled that aged statue he had seen somewhere in a chapel. And then, as suddenly as it happened, her eyes softened into almost-dampness. 'Listen, Gray is…'

'Dead. Yeah, I know; I remember.' Natsu said, automatically, because this is what he had trained himself to say despite all the lies underneath. It had come so easily to him, he didn't even need to think about it. The words tumbled from his mouth like vomit, stale and natural. 'He tried to stop us from taking on that S-class quest. We didn't listen. He died protecting us.'

There was a silence, that deafening silence again. Why did awkward silences keep happening to him lately?

'Yes.' Polyushka said at last, her eyes intently on him like he was a new species of animal. 'Your friends seem to be of the opinion that you were talking to Gray during the last quest, though.'

Natsu directed his raised brow at Lucy and Erza at that. At least they had the decency to look ashamed, but that still didn't change anything. Natsu thought they knew better, but apparently they did not. Could they not hear Gray say that he was merely going to go after Natsu to make sure he was alright? It was such a waste that he was trying to soothe their worries when neither cared enough to pay attention to what he said.

'I know you may be feeling depressed, and you may feel an obsession with him, but you must understand that he have to let him go.' Polyushka went on again about some psychological issues that he didn't understand, nor did he have the presence of mind to focus on them. Natsu simply zoned out, staring at the window and how the light filtered in prettily through the glass panes. He remembered that time long ago, when he and Gray had fought. Neither had had very good control of magic back then, and one of them, he could not remember which, had seriously hurt the other. Perhaps it was Gray hurting Natsu, because he could recall sitting in this very same bed and looking at the window, wondering when he would be allowed out again, not risking Erza's wrath, that was. His mind then drift back to the presence again, and he realised how good it was to have Gray at his side without going for each other's throat. Having the cold presence in his bed at night was definitely a bonus, and wrapping his arms around that rock hard torso was nice, too. Gray always chased the nightmares away.

The afternoon after that passed quickly enough. Natsu had to be released eventually, and when he was freed, he made sure to stay the hell out of Erza's way for the rest of the day. It was hard not to be driven crazy when there was a hawk constantly watching his back.

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'They got you good, didn't they? Heh, pathetic as ever, I see.'

'Well, I'm sorry for being pathetic, but I sure as hell don't see you there when they were questioning me.'

'Sarcasm doesn't become you, pinky. And why the hell aren't you asleep yet? You look like you're ready to drop.'

They were lying in bed, Natsu's arms around Gray's cold body, always so cold. He was drifting in and out of consciousness, the conversation a broken litany of names calling and familiar playful banter. There was that moonlight again, peeking in through the slits of his blinds. It caressed Gray's white skin in such a loving way that made Natsu almost jealous, except for the fact that he knew he could not quite see Gray when he completely drew the blinds to leave the room in complete darkness. All the same, he couldn't help but think sunlight suited Gray more; in the silvery streaks cast upon him Gray was too much like ice, and the thought never failed to bring a stutter to Natsu's heart.

'You thinking about ice?'

'No.' He lied as he nuzzled his head against the crook of Gray's neck. But he knew Gray knew anyway; the damned bastard always knew. That was why he had gone after Natsu in the past. The bloody bastard.

'Okay.' But then again, Gray never pointed it out nowadays. Instead, he gave up and let Natsu have his petty way.

Natsu couldn't help but find the irony of the situation kind of funny. It would probably have been different had Gray been this generous back then, giving up on him and all that. Yet, it did neither of them any good to think about it now, so Natsu let the issue go and wrapped himself tighter around the piece of ice in his bed.

'Good night, icicle. I love you.'

'G'night, shitty flames. Love you too.'

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And then there were the days Gray acted like the bitch he was. Natsu almost hated those days.

'The door on the left!' Gray was shouting, and Natsu skidded at said door like a robot. As he threw it open and disappeared inside, he could glimpse hordes of mages running across from the corridor in front, magic weapons and whatnot flailing at the ready. Che. Wait until he had freed Lucy, and they would learn just exactly why he was called Salamander Natsu of Fairy Tail.

'Okay, that was dangerous.'

The drone of Gray's voice had ticked him off. The bastard had no right to complain about anything when it was Natsu who was putting his back to it. He made his opinion known loud and clear.

'I pointed the fucking door out to you! Don't tell me you were gonna notice it anyway, because I fucking know you were going to charge straight into the enemy's ranks!' The rumble in Gray's growl had almost made Natsu flinch, except for the fact that it was a familiar speech that the both of them had exchanged to the death. In that twisted sense, it was a custom that never failed to calm Natsu down from whatever rush it was that he was feeling, perverse enough as it sounded.

'And don't you tell me you know what I think! What, are you a prophet now?!' So maybe it was not the best time for arguing, but Natsu had needed to hang onto something, anything, lest his fear of losing Lucy, a _nakama_, claim his senses as well as his rationality. And Gray had never disappointed him in being just that 'anything' to hang onto. Till the end.

'No, fucktard! I know 'cause I'm inside your head!'

The retort had caught Natsu off-guard. In the span since the… mission, he had seen Gray irritated, ballistic, annoying, outraged, but never cruel. This was the first time the topic had been breached so boldly and hurtfully between them, and it had very nearly wrenched Natsu's heart apart. Perhaps it would have, had this argument taken place any earlier. Now, though, Natsu had gotten used to ignoring – for purely self-preservation purposes he had _trained _himself to ignore and pretend and put up masks upon masks of smiles and sunny amnesia and blissful unawareness – and he had gotten calloused. Or perhaps he had come to treat the hurtful things Gray sometimes hurled at him as some sort of catharsis. After all, Natsu deserved it, all of it, and what better way to relive the Gray he knew than to fight with him.

But sometimes, fighting with Gray left him drained, physically and emotionally, and now was not a moment for that. 'No, of course you know. You're right; I was going to charge at them; I was – am – so angry that they took Lucy hostage.' Idly, he had wondered if it would have been different had he realised in the past how much it took out of, and away from, him, to keep fighting with Gray over frivolous things neither could remember now. Perhaps it would have been different, because he would, probably, have listened when Gray had said to just _come back_. The fleeting idea, though, had long stopped mattering, because he failed to realise in the past, and that was that. 'I… felt so powerless. Shouldn't have let them take Lucy.'

The admission was like salt rubbed into an open wound, but maybe Gray was feeling particularly vicious that day, because he simply ripped the scabs away to poke into the gash with something akin to glee. Languorously, with a sort of morbid pleasure, like a child tearing the wings from a canary and watching it die a slow and delightfully painful death, his voice echoed again: 'Ah. So you just realise now. Would have been better to know your limits back then, though, wouldn't it?'

'Yes.'

'Would have been even better to trust me back then, too, wouldn't it?'

'Yes.'

Natsu had deflated, passively watching as Gray tore into him like a hungry dragon its meal, splashing in the gore as his mind bled and bled, unwilling to fight a struggle he knew he would lose. _I trust you now_, he thought, _I trust you with everything_, but that, too, was useless. Empty, all those unspoken pleas, because Natsu knew it, and Gray knew it, being _inside his head_ and all, and yet it made no difference now, a year too late, a lifetime of regret over-spent.

He blinked, a lone tear escaping his suddenly too dry eyes, and the store room swirled and disappeared into darkness. The breeze picked up once again, and he could smell grass, water, and the town a distance away. Before him, the river sparkled under the lazy afternoon sun, and oh how it hurt his eyes so much. Maybe that was why the tear had fallen unbidden, because Natsu knew he was not crying – what reason was there to cry, when Gray was still right beside him, this time pliant and tender like the lover he was?

'Remind me again, how did that fight of ours end?'

'I can't remember either.' Because Natsu had gotten so good at forgetting, he naturally forgot.

'I see. Good thing we got Lucy back in the end, though, wasn't it?'

'Yeah. And good thing you stopped being such a bitch, too.'

'Like you don't miss me being a bitch. Who the hell's been fighting with you, then?'

It took Natsu some time to come up with an answer to that, mostly because he himself never realised that it was the truth all along. In the end, though, it was alright, because he understood it now, and he had Gray to share the knowledge with. What a spectacular pair they made, idiot helping idiot learn their own emotions in baby steps. Natsu wished never to stop.

'No one. Only you, Gray, it was only you, ever.'

And they had left it at that.

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Oddly enough, it was always the good days that made Natsu the angriest. These days, in that unfalteringly kind way of his, Gray tried to make Natsu lose another, much more important, fight. The most important fight in his life, indeed. And this he would refuse to do, over and over again, until the fight itself became a trite ritual they would engage in as an old married couple, meaningless and utterly useless.

These days, as Natsu sat at the bar eating a cup of shaved ice that he absolutely detested, Gray would whisper to him in that soft voice of his, no louder than a sigh, yet always cruelly loud enough for Natsu to hear amidst the din of the guild.

'Let's stop fighting, flame breath. It's not like we can fight anymore.' It would always start out light, a brush of warmth from an ice mage.

'What? You scared of losing?'

'Stupid. Verbal abuse with you is fun and all, but I miss those brawls of ours too much.' Gray's hair tickled his ear as he laid his head on Natsu's shoulder, enjoying the closeness they never knew before as rivals despite the many physical contacts. Natsu let him be; after all, why waste affection when it came for free? It wasn't like Natsu could initiate it, not when they were like this.

'You miss getting your arse kicked by me, huh?'

'You wish.' The puff of air from Gray's snort raised goose bumps along Natsu's bare shoulder, and he had almost had his victory when Gray sobered up from the rile, as he always did. 'Whatever. I can't even freeze a creek now.'

But _that_ had hurt.

'Gray.' Natsu tried to stop him, really he did, but Gray was in a mood, so he kept on going, speaking over Natsu's protests hissed out in an attempt to be quiet.

'You know it; you've known it all along, Natsu. I tried to spare you, but I can't – I can't forever be the person to put a hand over your eyes and make believe, you know. Hell, I don't even know what's for your sake anymore.'

'Stop. Enough, please.'

'And you can't wake me with a kiss, dragon. You've been trying that for, what, more than a year now, and look where that got us. This isn't a fairy tale, Natsu, and you can't wake me like Sleeping Beauty because I'm not.'

'Enough, I said!'

'No, enough, _I _say! You know I'm dead, and you say it to Polyushka and Erza and Lucy and everyone in the guild!'

'Lies, all lies!' Natsu almost screamed, glad to have finally found a lifeline in this hopeless fight with Gray. 'They don't know it because they don't give a fuck when you say something to them, but you're here with me, aren't you? We're having this conversation, aren't we, fucker?'

He never noticed it, but the guild had gone silent at his outburst. Like he cared anyway; a person could not care when the apparatus for caring, the heart, the mind, or the soul, whatever it was, was missing. The shout had left him lethargic, like it had drawn all the life force away from him in an inexplicable instant. Even if Natsu could, he would have had no energy left to care.

'Look at me, Natsu.' Gray's voice was quiet, but it rang like bells in the dead silence of the hall. Each syllable was a knife to the heart, and if a person could die from heartbreak, perhaps Natsu had been dead long ago, with how often this exact conversation had been taking place. 'Turn and look at me, damn it, Natsu!'

_I trust you._

Natsu obeyed and turned, and beside him, on the stool next to his, was empty space.

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That incident had been affectionately dubbed 'Natsu's Great Discovery'; what discovery it was, he had no idea, but everyone seemed to be of the opinion that he was well on his way towards recovery. That was before the other big incident, of course. The said incident being the Grand Magic Games and the advent of the dragons. And the loss of the last shred of hope for Natsu Dragneel, he overheard someone whispering sometimes. Anyhow, that was an unfortunate affair; blood was spilled and lives were lost, but it was especially unfortunate exactly because it was just barely before whatever recovery it was that Natsu was supposed to reach. Yet, it would have been rightfully dubbed 'Natsu's Great Discovery' had the title not been taken already, because he really felt like divine revelation struck him like a slap to the face on that bloody day. He simply vowed to himself that he would not lose another comrade.

Which didn't explain why Natsu was gazing out the window as the elderly woman droned on about relaxing his mind with exercises, of course. However, Gramps insisted that he undertake this boring task – 'Think of it as a weekly mission', he had said – and so here he was. Redundant stuff, all of it, because Natsu was perfectly fine. Instead, he was much more interested in the way the sky started to look like rain soon. It was a shame; he had wanted to take a walk with Gray after the stifling session. On second thought, though, maybe having an early dinner together was not all that bad, either. It would be like a date. The idea made Natsu smile in happiness.

Trips to psychiatrists were the norm now. It was nothing more than a waste of money to produce the placebo effect he knew his family needed. They needed to know he was getting better, despite his vehement claims that he had always been just fine, thank you very much; hell, he didn't even know from what disease he was supposed to be recovering. But Natsu would give them that placebo effect; he owed them that much anyway, after frightening the shit out of them when he had nearly seriously hurt Erza the other day.

'That really was uncalled for, shithead.' Gray commented next to him, and Natsu could just picture him crossing his arms over his chest without even having to look.

_She told me you died, popsicle._ He replied, glad that Gray had been with him so long they could virtually converse telepathically now. _Only a terrible imitator would think Erza would lie like that._

To his frustration, Gray decided to drop the topic. It was unfortunate timing, too, because Natsu desperately needed something to distract him from the crone's speeches. But Gray was so mellow now, Natsu hated to break the delicate balance they had achieved after what felt like centuries of fighting. Frankly, he was sick of fighting with Gray, and maybe Gray would understand; after all, Gray himself had stopped pestering Natsu after that sad incident with Erza – or her imposter, whoever that was.

'Do you understand, Mr. Dragneel?' The psychiatrist asked.

'I guess you really will never let me go, will you?' Gray also asked.

'Yes.' And of course, just like he had done every time before, Natsu answered the doctor, blithely ignoring the sour look Gray must have been throwing his way. No point in answering a pointless question anyway; he had learnt that the day his mind was driven off a proverbial cliff, watching Lucy – granted, future Lucy, yet Lucy all the same – die in his very arms. Losing a _nakama _did things to a person, and learning to ignore even better than he was capable of before was one of them. He wouldn't lose Gray now, because, as he had said, future Lucy would be the only _nakama _he would lose, and that was that.

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As Natsu lay awake, his hands mindlessly cradling Gray's head to his chest, his mind started to wander again. So cold, Gray was always so cold, yet Natsu was used to that by now. Sometimes, though, he couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to embrace a warm Gray, as he seemed to recall from those fleeting touches exchanged in battles in their childhood.

'That's because you're hugging a block of ice, idiot. My body became ice in that S-class mission when I executed my own version of Iced Shell, remember?'

'What S-class mission?' Natsu blinked in shock, genuinely surprised to hear of something so outrageous. 'You chased after us and told us we weren't strong enough for that back then, and I trusted you, didn't I?'

There was silence again as Gray appeared to contemplate his answer. No matter; sometimes one forgot, and Gray was no exception, especially after the decades they had spent at each other's side. Natsu wasn't going to begrudge him this little flaw, because Gray was much, much more than that. Gray was much more than anyone could ever think – he was Natsu's _everything_.

'It's kinda funny, though, now that I think about it.' Perhaps that was why he carried on in an attempt to distract Gray from his absent-mindedness. 'Before then we were nothing if not constantly at each other's throat. Look at us now. Who'd imagine, eh?'

For a moment longer, Gray kept his brooding silence, such that Natsu almost thought he had fallen asleep mid-conversation. However, he was wrong, because after that deafening silence, Gray's laughter was like balm on a burning wound. He tended to do that nowadays, which Natsu found to be weird at first, before simply accepting it as another one of Gray's quirks.

'Don't tell me you still haven't realised that you've been in love with me long before that.'

That got a smile out of Natsu. It had been such a naïve crush, one that he in his childish mind had tried to cover up with insults and burning fists.

'I have, silly. And I know you've loved me way before I started falling for you, so I win.'

'Huh.' The scepticism was palpable in Gray's tone. 'Stop flattering yourself. You don't know that. _I_ don't know that.'

It struck Natsu as a queer thing. Why would Gray not know what he himself felt? The sly bastard must have deliberately forgotten just to spite him.

'No, genius.' Of course, Gray had to go and read his mind again. 'I don't know because _you _don't know – I can't know if you don't know. And you don't know for how long I've loved you because I never told you before I di… uh, hooked up with you. As I said, stop flattering yourself. You don't even know if I loved you.'

Well, if that didn't send his mind reeling, nothing would. Gray wasn't making any sense at all, and Natsu resented it when Gray got like this. It was as though the bastard was trying to hide something from him, although Natsu knew better. After so long together, even their minds were anything but secret to each other. But then Natsu remembered; sometimes Gray just didn't make sense, being the crazy idiot that he was, so there was nothing out of the ordinary about them as they talked about past loves. There was one thing that mattered, though.

'But you love me now, don't you?'

'Fine, fine, yeah, I do. So go to sleep already.' And after a short pause, almost as an afterthought, 'I'll still be here when you wake up.'

'Okay.' As easy as that, his mind was put to rest. As he said, Gray never failed to chase the nightmares away, while Natsu would be the one to provide warmth for the both of them, gods knew they needed it with how cold Gray always was. Then again, that was what made them the perfect fit, and Natsu had nothing to complain about. 'Good night, then, ice princess. I love you.'

'Night, hothead. Love you too.'

As Natsu kissed his Gray between the brows, a reminder turned necessity, his mind fell into place and all was right with the world.

.

.

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_The end._

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Author's note: For those who are still confused, Gray (for the purpose of this fic) died getting Natsu and Lucy out of the runaway S-class mission on Garuna island. From then on is the story of how Natsu loses his mind over it, with supposed steps towards recovery before plunging straight into oblivion at the end. Yep, that's the whole point of this screwed up story summed up in a sentence. Inspired from _The Sixth Sense _and _The Iron Lady_. Seriously, they're gooood. Hope you enjoyed the story. This is the first time I've tried out this new style, so please review and tell me how I did. Thanks a bunch and ciao!


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